Morning Pages

For those of you familiar with Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way, you will know what I mean when I say that I am unable to do my morning pages. At least not in long-hand on 3 sheets of paper for 30 minutes. Today my hands hurt from knitting, and writing with a pen doesn't sound feasible, not to mention my writer's block. But I don't have blogger's block, although, technically I don't really have anything to say.
I have been thinking a great deal about the nature of forgiveness. I haven't come up with any earthshaking ideas, I am just considering different aspects of forgiveness and why its okay to forgive.
It takes energy to hold onto something. Holding onto a grudge, an anger, a suspicion, nursing negative thoughts, all require a great deal of energy. I don't have enough energy to be angry. Its better for me to forgive. It may not even be beneficial to the person I have a quarrel with, but I feel better to let go of the negative emotion of anger and resentment and I have thus freed energy I can utilize for more enjoyable pursuits.
When I am angry with someone, the anger sits at the bottom of my esophagus and is manifested in my ulcer. I can actually see it there, burning a little hole in my innards and in my heart. Depression is truly anger turned inward. How much healthier then, to let go of the anger, forgive, and try to forget-truly let go of the hurt.
I am attempting to train my mind to be more loving and compassionate. I have energy to learn new things and I certainly can learn positive new things. Positive energy somehow creates more energy. Or perhaps "channels more energy" is a better way of putting it. I have always been loving but now I am learning to love even those who seem least loveable.
I may seem to have abandoned some friends in the pursuit of new knowledge, but I have not stopped loving them. I have to allow myself to be open to new experiences and give myself time and the solitude to work on training my mind to tap into the creative energies of the universe and focus my mind on the present. I haven't abandoned you, Tina, I simply have to focus more.